My college buddies and I got together (via the Internet, of course, cause at this point we live all over the globe) sending prayers and love to Roger. Sadly, two weeks to the day that I found out, Roger passed away.
Although logically I knew that the cancer was taking over his body, my heart and soul prayed for a miracle. I imagined a complete recovery against all odds, cancer was not going to take this amazing man. His illness and passing has been heart breaking. Some people don't understand the way I feel, because although we were good friends back then, it had been 8 years since we had spent any time together. Regardless of time or distance, the memories and ties last forever. My heart still feels broken and I am having a hard time accepting that he is gone.
Mourning is hard. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. One moment I am fine, the next I am a mess. My heart hurts and the world feels a little bit emptier. Roger was a great friend. In fact, he was one of the very first people I met when I first moved into our dorm Freshmen year. He was always happy, always laughing and smiling. You could hear his familiar laugh from across the court yard at school,he always had a friendly hello and a big hug to give. I cannot count the times I went to him for advice and vice versa.
I don't want to mourn, because that means he is really and truly gone. I keep thinking about the last dinner we all had the night after graduation at Ryan's Grill. It was the last time our group of friends were together, before we moved all over the world, before we began our "grown up" lives. It was our last supper and the last time I saw Roger in this lifetime.
I keep thinking about his cooking, our BBQs, all the fun we had when we were both on cook staff for Awakening... all of our retreats from #4-#11.... karaoke nights, PCC, our random get togethers, hanging out in the court yard, all the things he told me about life and love. I remember like it was yesterday and the years that have passed since then don't seem like they exist.
I had a dream about a week ago about him. Roger was joking around like usual,but what I remember the most was his smile and then the big hug he gave me. He was glowing and peaceful and happy. That is how I will always remember him. Rest in Peace, Roger. Aloha 'oe my friend.
